I went to bed last night with a sick feeling in my gut.

I woke up this morning, around 4, with a sense of dread. I had put my phone on airplane mode to keep me from refreshing my feeds every two seconds, watching Google live update the election coverage. It took me until 4:30ish to work up the courage to look


Humanity had a nice run. We were trying so hard to do right by everyone nice try everybody we almost made it to a better future


I went upstairs in a haze, popped my anti-anxiety pills, and my hands shook as I downed the glass of water, feeling like I was drowning, drowning


My mom said, “Oh my gosh.” quietly, intensely, the emotions behind the words too strong and foreign to even describe.

I wailed/whispered, “I know.” and covered my face with my hands.

She immediately came over to hold me. She stroked my hair, rubbed my back, and I could feel her trying to push through her fingers: “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry

We sat down to breakfast and she cried as I crushed my cheerios to mush in the milk. How could this have happened? I had always thought that people, humans, my neighbors and co-workers and even the people in the next state over were not so different from me. I had thought that we could pull together

Why did other humans, with brains and hearts just like me, elect this man? I watched the rallies on YouTube in disbelief, feeling that Trump’s supporters were more like rabid animals than people, a writhing sea of anger and hatred and ignorance. I forgot that their vote counted just as much as mine

What? I just

I don’t know

This has happened before. We KNOW the outcome of hatred and ignorance. Pinning the blame for economics onto a minority? Saying we’ll kick people out of America, the melting pot, just because of their ethnicity???? building a wall???????  This has already happened and Anne Frank and Elie Wiesel already paid the price

why are we falling back to what doesn’t work

I am so shocked– but what’s more frightening was that I always knew humanity had this latent willfull ignorance


I can only hope that the three branches of government can take the weight of this horrific man, Mr. Trump’s bloated ego and horrifying agenda


Donald Trump is human just like me. He has a mother, and aspirations, and wears shoes and eats breakfast just like me. How is it that he is so angry and full of hate?

Why is it he gets the presidency, and I have to live with it?? How does– how did anyone expect Mr. Trump to lead?? You can’t just grab America by the pussy.

The vote was so close. Sooo close. I am so empty.



One thought on “???!a;ldfkjaoutj

  1. Your thoughts mirror mine a lot.

    I always believed in the innate goodness of people. That those that spread and supported hate were the minority.

    This morning I told my daughters today that I had lied yesterday. I told them yesterday that no matter who won, you had to respect them as the President. I lied. I didn’t know it at the time. But how could I ever support an evil man? How can I support a President that I can’t even respect?

    This is a first for me.

    This afternoon I will be taking muffins to my wonderful neighbors, who happen to be gay, and apologize for America. And to apologize that I never realized exactly how much hatred they faced.


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