Ways to Kill People (and get away with it too)

Murder is a bad thing.
It’s generally less frowned upon to just shake hands and make up if someone make you mad. It tends to put people on edge when you are known to commit manslaughter when someone treads on your toes. Really, homicides in general are just not the way to deal with those horrid moments when someone frays your nerves.

But then what is killing with kindness?

If the person ends up dead, I’m pretty sure it’s still murder, even if the weapon was ‘kindness, in the lunchroom.’ I wonder if that excuse would stand up in court.

“Your honor, the autopsy reveals that kindness was the culprit. My client was only being friendly, in a snarky, if-you-piss-me-off-I’ll-just-act-sweet-about-it-to-piss-you-off kinda way. We plead not guilty.” You’d better hope that the jury buys that, because you’re a murder suspect too.

Don’t tell me you’ve never ‘killed with kindness’ before. It gives you some sort of pleasure, to manipulate the situation like that. After all, we are all told as very tiny children to treat others as we want to be treated.


And yet…

We’re told that violence is not the answer. For some reason, instead of turning to resolvement, we throw rainbows and puppies and stupid smiles at them. All while not meaning a word of it. How has this become acceptable? Killing with kindness is still killing.

And it may not only be the other person who you’re killing.

You are getting hurt by your own weapon when you kill with kindness. You know you don’t mean a word of it, you don’t intend good humor or any type of closure by being snarky. All you get is  a sick feeling in your gut that another confrontation is coming soon, and a sickly sweet grimace on your face that only shows how inept you are at solving conflicts in a productive manner.

I’m guilty of this too.

And I don’t think the jury is looking sympathetic.


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